I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?