you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.