The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!