Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.