Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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