I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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