Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I will pee on everything he values.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
