I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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