I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
