After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
