hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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