Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
