dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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