If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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