is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
