Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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