Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
