is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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