That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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