I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
