I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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