You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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