you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
