You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
