I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time