RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
about cumming, not toast
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.