Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?