I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pants are for mortals
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
