i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries