You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.