too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!