My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
