I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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