We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
