Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
