Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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