In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
