No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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