You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
