So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
