If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
