Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can you bring me the toilet please
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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