Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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