I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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