she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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