My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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