Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
