you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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