in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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