Are we in a gay sports bar?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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