My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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