I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize