separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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