I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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