Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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