Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
