even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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