No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
