But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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