Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
