i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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