Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
