It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
