I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
bring money and cleavage
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
