he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
