not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bring me that man meat
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
