Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
