remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
