just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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