so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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