I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
