Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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