I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
