Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
