On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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