I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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