D3 body, D1 cock
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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