shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
