I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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