So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
