I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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