Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
