There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this boner is exhausting
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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