Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
