thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize