She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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