it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
